For the past many weeks, Mondays (eventually Tuesdays) had become a battle for me. That's our laundry day. Whenever I commence my weekly ritual of preparing the tubs and the washing machine, I also start my prayer lobbying. During the summer, it was easier. It was always "Hay thank You Lord for blessing our sampay!" But lately, even as I am still in my first soaping (I soap twice and rinse thrice), the drizzles start coming. So do my prayers, especially if you have nowhere else to hang your clothes except the sala.
During a recent Bible study, we were given a test to know what your spiritual gifts are. To my delight, my top three are music, then faith, then intercession. You bet the last two worked full gear on Monday mornings. In the first two weeks that it happened, I was still hopeful saying "Naah, next week it'll get better." My optimism started its internal brainwashing activity. Nakahalata na ako nung linggo-linggo na lang, umuulan. My prayerlife got tested. I wooed and cooed and purred to the Father so He will command the rain not to fall, at least until 6pm. I claimed all the promises I know to support my pleading, you know, "Ask and you shall receive." and the works. But it rained. We tried to observe and discovered that it rained less on Tuesdays so we changed our laundryday to Tuesday. At the same time I prayed.
But no. It still rained.
This is how it attacks. After hanging all the clothes, I go upstairs to stretch my tired body, relishing the warm sun smiling on my laundry. Then it happens. I close my eyes, deciding to take a nap, only to be awakened by my panicking husband 10 minutes after, telling me that it's raining. I don't know if the Lord is playing a joke on me but it stopped raining Mondays and started pouring Tuesdays.
Whatever happened to my smiling sun? What?! There was even a time when I almost raised my hands to heaven and shout, 'Lord, please stop the rain!' Aba'y 'di ko alam kung magtatampo ako o magpapray ulit ako o kung kailangan kong magkatay ng baka na sacrificial offering. Is there something wrong with my faith? Time and time again since June, I try to command sunshine through prayers but end up having our sala become our hanging area.
After 3 months of this seeming betrayal, ang duguan kong puso ay umiiyak kay Lord. Bakit ayaw mo akong pagbigyan? Ulan lang, patitigilin lang, ayaw mo pa, *SNIFF!* Di naman ako humihingi ng parting ng Red Sea e. Di naman ako humihingi na maulanan ng manna. Gusto ko lang na matuyo ang sampay sa ilalim ni haring araw. Huhuhuuu...
Then comes another laundryday, the last week of August. I readied my heart again for another fight with the weather. I punched with my prayers and hoped that my coaxing this time will work. Know what?
It still rained.
As I was weakly gathering our half-dried clothes from the line, my beat-up heart said "Ok, I give up. Heck, who am I anyway? Why should the natural law of things be bent for me? This is Your universe anyway, therefore, do what You think is fit. Your will be done, not mine." I am humbled. No more contest with the Lord. I arranged our clothes in our sala.
The next week, I started my rituals without preparing for any battle. I just surrender to what He wants to do with the day. I soaped, I rinsed, I hanged. I didn't put up any fight. But I was happy - happy to rest from battle and continued defeat. And happier indeed I got. NO RAIN FELL! What the?!?
Ganun pala yun. He was just waiting for me to surrender. No matter how full of faith or faith-full you are, it should always be preceded by a healthy knowledge that He is God and is sovereign. His sovereignty goes before our faith.
I'm ok now. I'm at peace with His rain whether I have clothes on the line or not.
September 14 2005
During a recent Bible study, we were given a test to know what your spiritual gifts are. To my delight, my top three are music, then faith, then intercession. You bet the last two worked full gear on Monday mornings. In the first two weeks that it happened, I was still hopeful saying "Naah, next week it'll get better." My optimism started its internal brainwashing activity. Nakahalata na ako nung linggo-linggo na lang, umuulan. My prayerlife got tested. I wooed and cooed and purred to the Father so He will command the rain not to fall, at least until 6pm. I claimed all the promises I know to support my pleading, you know, "Ask and you shall receive." and the works. But it rained. We tried to observe and discovered that it rained less on Tuesdays so we changed our laundryday to Tuesday. At the same time I prayed.
But no. It still rained.
This is how it attacks. After hanging all the clothes, I go upstairs to stretch my tired body, relishing the warm sun smiling on my laundry. Then it happens. I close my eyes, deciding to take a nap, only to be awakened by my panicking husband 10 minutes after, telling me that it's raining. I don't know if the Lord is playing a joke on me but it stopped raining Mondays and started pouring Tuesdays.
Whatever happened to my smiling sun? What?! There was even a time when I almost raised my hands to heaven and shout, 'Lord, please stop the rain!' Aba'y 'di ko alam kung magtatampo ako o magpapray ulit ako o kung kailangan kong magkatay ng baka na sacrificial offering. Is there something wrong with my faith? Time and time again since June, I try to command sunshine through prayers but end up having our sala become our hanging area.
After 3 months of this seeming betrayal, ang duguan kong puso ay umiiyak kay Lord. Bakit ayaw mo akong pagbigyan? Ulan lang, patitigilin lang, ayaw mo pa, *SNIFF!* Di naman ako humihingi ng parting ng Red Sea e. Di naman ako humihingi na maulanan ng manna. Gusto ko lang na matuyo ang sampay sa ilalim ni haring araw. Huhuhuuu...
Then comes another laundryday, the last week of August. I readied my heart again for another fight with the weather. I punched with my prayers and hoped that my coaxing this time will work. Know what?
It still rained.
As I was weakly gathering our half-dried clothes from the line, my beat-up heart said "Ok, I give up. Heck, who am I anyway? Why should the natural law of things be bent for me? This is Your universe anyway, therefore, do what You think is fit. Your will be done, not mine." I am humbled. No more contest with the Lord. I arranged our clothes in our sala.
The next week, I started my rituals without preparing for any battle. I just surrender to what He wants to do with the day. I soaped, I rinsed, I hanged. I didn't put up any fight. But I was happy - happy to rest from battle and continued defeat. And happier indeed I got. NO RAIN FELL! What the?!?
Ganun pala yun. He was just waiting for me to surrender. No matter how full of faith or faith-full you are, it should always be preceded by a healthy knowledge that He is God and is sovereign. His sovereignty goes before our faith.
I'm ok now. I'm at peace with His rain whether I have clothes on the line or not.
September 14 2005
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