Roughly two months ago, around 2am, I was laboring in front of the editing computer with my husband. We were getting tired of the voice-over from the project we were doing so hubby opened the TV and tuned in to MTV. The set wasn't anywhere in my periphery so I just listened to the music, if there is any musicality at all in any of their offerings.
Tene-nono-nenet tet-tenononenent.
Tene-nono-nenet tet-tenononenent.
I was hearing this guitar riff. It was a little catchy so I glanced at the screen and glimpsed the eye-lined face of the singer who used to be my high school fantasy. He was still a drummer then. All this time I didn't know he is fronting this band. He looked straight at me for one moment. Then he went back to trying to look silly by doing his antics again while holding this megaphone.
Ok. Back to work. Tene-nono-nenet tet-tenononenent.
Tene-nono-nenet tet-tenononenent.
I did go back to work but with that half-a-second, he was able to hold my gaze. He is not handsome, though his smile does something charming to his face. But that's beside the point because he wasn't smiling when I saw him. What got me is the intensity he can exude with his gaze. I think that's what fascinated me ten years ago. And it is still what fascinates me now.
The annoying VO stuck in my head already has a companion. Pleasantly and painfully in there also, was that half-a-second stare.
After two days of being enslaved by the editing we were doing, hubby and I decided to drop by Conspiracy. They are featuring a famous rock band, famous enough to command a 150-peso entrance fee. But tonight, it's for FREE! More reason for us to drop by and check them out then.
We went in, trying to hunt for an extra booth. Hubby being easily irritated by crowds and noise, asked to stay outside until the main band's appearance. I, being stubborn and determined, searched further and found college blockmates instead. So I got both a seat and people to talk to.
Now that I earned us some seats, I went back out to invite hubby in. It was so crowded that I was partly annoyed by this skinny guy in black clinging on the door jamb; he was blocking a third of the already crammed doorway. I squeezed against him on my way out. Hubby's not around. I squeezed against him again on my way back in. I miss my hubby easily so after a while, I went again on my way back out to search for him. That was the only time I realized that the guy blocking the door was my other high school fantasy.
This high school fantasy inspired me so much then that I was able write one of my best teeny poems. He wasn't fronting the band then. He composes the songs, plays the keyboards and sometimes the guitar. Ten years ago, he was just quiet, always in the background. His magic was in his quietness. No pretension, no flash. Just his profound and painfully romantic poetry. The Lord knows what I would have given ten years ago just to have the chance I have RIGHT NOW in this present time.
Right now, that my skin brushed against him three times in one hour.
Right now, that I can inhale his scent all I want.
Right now, when I can steal a caress on his hand that commands notes and words that move me.
The only difference is that RIGHT NOW, I don't need them anymore. There is NO MORE MAGIC. He is just too… too… showbiz now. The mysterious quietness is gone.
I'm not sure if I should feel sad or silly. Sad, for the 15-year old Anne because the chance that she'd been yearning for then came ten years too late. Silly, silly that I'm even pondering upon this irony in my life because I know I can't care less. Heck, I mean, he looks sapped, bleached and greasy nowadays.
Two high school fantasies in two days. Two different reactions. Interesting.
No comments:
Post a Comment