#28: Child of the King

I always get all choked up when I listen to this song. Either it is just record production genius or this song is anointed by God to move all those who listen to it. I searched the internet for lyrics for this beautiful song from Kids' Praise 6. To my dismay, I did not find any. So I looked for the song in my collection, listened to it, transcribed it and am posting it now because I want to share this message to all who wants to listen.


Child of the King

Lord I don't have fancy toys

Like other little girls and boys

My clothes are faded and torn

My shoes are scoffed up and all worn

Though the world might think I'm poor

I am rich cause I have You LOrd

Lord the people stop and stare

Then pass as though I am not there

Although I am always all alone

I have no friends to call my own.

Though the people pass me by

I am loved cause You're by my side.

Chorus:

And I'm a Child of the King

If I have Him, then I have everything

Though the world may think That I am poor

I am rich cause I have you Lord

#23: Usapang Magkakapatid na Nicomedes

Katatapos lang namin manood ng Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. It'll be better if you read its synopsis first so the senseless conversation below will make sense for you. It's irrelevant who said what. Basta kaming tatlong magkakapatid ang nag-uusap dito:


***START OF CONVERSATION***

Ano kaya? Gawa tayo ng business. Home theater for rent. 'Di ba, magdadala lang sila ng sarili nilang DVD, ok na sila.


Oo, okay yun. Parang Red Box pero pelikula.


Kaya lang malaki ang investment sa ganun, baka kailangan natin ng mahigit 1million dun.


Hay.


*silence*


Grabe ano? Di ba yung mga futuristic na pelikula, minsan nagkakatotoo? Ano kaya kung ang internet nga or cyberspace ay isang malaking artificial intelligence nga at inuuto na tayo?


Oo, baka self-aware na ang cyberspace tapos gumagawa sila ng isang malaki, matagal at complicated na strategy para ang mga tao, maging unable nang lumaban.


Parang yung sa Wall-E.


Oo.


Tapos baka tinuturuan ang taong hindi makipag-interact personally, ginagawa tayong mga loners. Hindi na tayo marunong ng harapang teamwork para hindi na tayo makalaban sa mga machines.


Kaya siguro nial inimbento yung Facebook!


Oo, tapos kapag nag-rise nayung machines, hindi na natin alam kung paano makipag-usap sa isa't-isa kasi puro YM na lang tayo.


Tapos ang magiging pag-asa pala ng sangkamundohan ay yung mga nakikita natin sa picture na mga malnourished na may bitbit na baby. Kasi sila lang yung magaan enough tsaka may teamwork enough to actually move and fight.

Oo nga. Kasi Yung mga tribo at mga nasa poverty area, walang internet! Yung dating mga kawawa, sila pala yung magiging heroes of the world!

Uy, ok yan a. Parang pwedeng pelikula. 

O kaya comics. Kuya Junn, baka pwede mong gawing comics yung storya nain.

Oo, ibenta natin tapos yayaman tayo. Magiging milyonaryo tayo.

Tama, tapos mag-business tayo nung home theater for rent.

Alright.

*** END OF CONVERSATION***

Now you know what kind of family I came from.

#22: So What Happened Next?

It was confusing.    
Motherhood these times are a mish-mash of different opinions. Gone are the days when the experienced mothers are just a stone's throw away to lend their tested wisdom in babycare. But now, "expert advise" are all over. The book says this, the friend says that, the TV personality says another thing and then your mother has a whole new opinion altogether.   
  
"'Wag mong buhatin, masasanay yan."  
"Kargahin mo! Baka a-insecure siya. Maapektuhan ang brain develoopment."  
"Naku, matalino yang mga yan, malalaman agad nila na pag umiyak siya, kakargahin mo. Pabayaan mo lang."  
"You can never spoil a baby. They're very needy that's why you have to hold them."    


Good grief. And that's just about holding a baby. So I was confused and initially, I avoided carrying her when she cries because some say they will learn to manipulate you into doing whatever they want just by crying. So the effect was a noisy house and an aggravated mother-and-baby tandem. What surprised me was that when Himig was with the folks, she fussed less. In fact, one night, I spied Himig flashing Nanay a smile! Gasp! I got so jealous and thought to myself "I lose sleep and my mind over you and I don't even get a friendly smirk?!?". Dejected mother.    Since then, I started observing Himig's favorite nannies (which is practically everybody else) and discovered that they have two things in common: they talked to her and they held her a lot. I always had that uncomfortable feeling in my stomach when I kept myself from "carrying her too much". Now I know why. It was my instinct telling me to go ahead and love my baby any which way I can. Besides, who would discipline a month-old baby when she doesn't even have a concept of "self" and "others"?      


I don't care anymore what they say. I will follow my heartbeat from now on. My Himig is needy, frail and scared of the world outside the womb. I will hold her whenever she's lonely or scared. Ever since I had made my resolve, our home started to have a semblance of peace. I don't get that sick feeling in my stomach anymore whenever she cried. One night, I gathered her in my arms as we stared at each other.     


Then she gave me this meanignful look and smiled.     


It was a moment of grace. All the feeling of confusion, fatigue and discouragement melted away in that one simple gesture. It said "thank you", "you're doing a great job", "I feel loved" and "I love you, too" in that single toothless smile. That made all the difference. We had officially become friends. Our sweetest moments so far were when Himig's face, in between mouthfuls of breastmilk, would spontaneously break into a slow, growing smile then tenderly gurgle lovely sounds at me. I shed tears of unexplainable joy and all I was able to say was "You're welcome and I love you, too."

#21: So What Happened To Me?

I became a mother. I never really liked children. That's one thing I had in common with my bestfriend husband. Kids are okay, yeah, but we're not like some of our friends who gush and go gaga over little babies and children. That's the reason why we didn't have children right away. In fact, if God won't allow us to have children, I'll be okay with it. 


Then came Himig. I saw her on her third day as I visited her in the nursery for breastfeeding. She was wrapped in this yellow lampin, the moist and oily hair still sticking to her scalp, a bit chinky and really fair. My first thoughts were: Is this stranger really my child? So is mankind expecting me to fall in love right away with this frail baby? I waited for that explosive Johnson's-Baby moment but all there was was uncertainty and a polite "Hello. I'm you're Nanay." I gingerly placed her lips on my breasts and as if triggered by a switch, quickly sucked vigorously. Oh my golly, this stranger is sucking my nipples! And boy, does it hurt! I was floating in this pool of question and exclamation marks and amazement and disbelief. "Oh my goodness, she actually came from me?! I hope my milk will satisfy her. Oh dear, kulang 'ata 'yung gatas ko. Oh dear... " *worry, worry, worry* The only reason I didn't drown in that pool because despite my doubts, I already knew that I love her. It wasn't the most rosy experience, especially when the post-partum depression kicked in. On my second week as a mom, my nipples were more sore than ever, I was alone in our Tandang Sora home and feeling very, very inadequate. My ceasarian section was sore, I feel desperately tired out of waking up for one and a half hour three times during the night for those torturous breastfeeding times and amidst all that, faced with the same household chores that I did when I was still, hmm, let's say, better able. Everytime Junn left for work, I braced myself for the hours ahead. What the heck am I gonna do next? What else can I do? Will I be a good mother? Oh yeah, Himig and I did lots crying duets then. I held Himig as she fed while I bit my lip in pain, still wondering if all this torturous labor is working because I still had no idea if I'm actually secreting milk. 


Self-pity easily won over and joined my swimming pool. I started asking myself if we really made the right decision having a baby now. Good thing love was still there, keeping my head above the water. I gasped and survived. VOICE OVER: Ano kaya ang nangyari kay Anne Esteban? Kakayanin kaya niya ang Post-partum challenge? Abangan sa pagpapatuloy ng kanyang blog! DISCLAIMER: Sensya na di ko pa na-pupulis tong entry ko. Grammar police, patawad muna.